What to wear to a funeral?
How to dress for a UK funeral:
It's traditional in the UK to wear black clothing to a funeral unless the family have requested otherwise. In general, follow a smart-casual dress-code, funerals are formal occasions and like any other major life event it's important to show respect.
For women:
Black trousers, with a muted tone shirt (doesn’t need to be black) with a blazer and smart shoes, is a relatively smart way to incorporate the black dress-code without feeling drab.
Alternatively, you may wish to wear a black dress. This would not be the right occasion to wear anything that is reminiscent of a cocktail dress (LBD), so it’s important to show very little skin, ideally a hem-line that falls below the knee and something that you feel comfortable in.
Make-up should be minimal and muted, it might not be the right time for a red lip so try to opt for something neutral toned. Hair should be clean and pulled back - you are likely to be hugging people throughout the day so it may get easily ruined.
Footwear should be comfortable, clean and formal. That means no trainers, and no stiletto heels. Have in mind the kind of shoes that you would have been allowed to wear to school, so loafers, boots or ballet shoes.
Ultimately when dressing for a funeral try to aim for comfort, neatness, and something that shows that you have dressed thoughtfully and intentionally for the occasion.
For Men:
For men, black or dark trousers and smart shoes are an easy option, paired with a blazer or a dark coloured sweat-shirt over a shirt. It would also be acceptable to wear a tie and for this to reflect the occasion by being dark coloured or of a muted pattern.
If these options aren’t available to you then dark jeans are also acceptable but definitely try to pair these with a shirt on the top.
Footwear must be clean and ideally a formal brogue or loafer. If you have to wear trainers, try to pick dark ones and make sure there is no mud on them.
In general, try to keep in mind that this is a formal occasion and how you dress indicates to others how you value the occasion and that you are attending thoughtfully and considerately.
For Children:
Young children can get away with wearing dark colours, there is no need to go out and buy them an all-black outfit. Opt for something clean and neat looking, that they will also be comfortable in for the day.
If the family request you not to wear black:
In some cases, the family of the dead person may ask mourners not to wear black but instead to reflect the celebratory aspect of the ceremony. In this case pay close attention to their wishes, and where possible try to respect the ‘theme’ they choose. If no clear guidance is offered and you don’t want to bother them, then it’s best to aim for smart-casual, something that shows you have put some thought into showing up to an important occasion whilst still feeling comfortable. In particular, pay close attention to things like your shoes, as anything too casual may make you feel under-dressed, a smart jacket or coat can help to elevate a casual outfit, and nothing too revealing or showing off too much skin.
Cultural considerations
Bear in mind that if the family are from another culture they may have other religious or cultural funerary practices and it’s best to do a bit of research first. If in doubt, and you don’t want to bother the family by asking, do what is normal for your culture and aim for the most respectable version of it. What’s important is that everyone sees that you value the effort they have put in to organising the funeral and that you are there to pay your last respects to the person you have lost.
What to bring with you to a funeral:
Tissues
A small bottle of water
A card for the family
If you have small children bring something to keep them quiet and a small snack
It can be a long day so having a sugary snack in your bag can help you when emotions are running high.
If you can, try to visualise the day before you go through it. Imagine yourself there, who you will see and what the day is going to demand of you. This will help you to feel more mentally prepared for the day and envisage which outfit is going to help you get through it.
FAQ:
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In most cases the answer is no, and formal trousers in a dark colour or even grey would be preferable. If jeans are unavoidable try to opt for black jeans and pair them with smart shoes and a dark shirt. In general, funerals are formal occasions and it’s a sign of respect that you dress up.
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It’s important to pay attention to the family’s wishes here, as sometimes they request a donation to a charity in lieu of flowers. If you want to bring flowers a small wreath to lay on the grave can be appropriate or it’s more usual to send flowers to the family when news of the death is first circulated as a sign of support. You should definitely always bring a card with some heart felt sentiments and words of comfort for the family.
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It can be tricky to dress for a funeral when the heat is on. Try to choose loose fitting clothing with natural fibres, dark linen trousers or a floaty skirt, if you have a top that shows skin bring a shawl to cover your shoulders for the service. If you don’t have anything black it’s acceptable to opt for dark colours and smart accessories. Remember to wear sunscreen for any standing around outside and take water.
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If the family request colours are worn or it’s a Celebration of Life ceremony, then you should respect this by dressing joyfully. Alternatively wear an outfit that reminds you of the deceased person, perhaps an outfit from a treasured memory or event, this way you have a talking point and a way of sharing a happy anecdote of the person you all loved. Always aim for smart and respectful, so keep in mind what’s appropriate for the occasion.